My baby turns 6!!!!

      On January 1, 2005 at 7:15 am my first child, a baby boy, was born.  Derek William Roach.  5lbs 19 inches.  But I'll back up a little to explain the picture.  Now every new mother, I'm sure hates their afterbirth snapshot, but really, you have to admit my looks extra horrible.  But I'm willing to show it because of the story.  On New Year's Eve night Ronnie and I went to the local Christian Church to chaperone a lock-in where we were playing a game shock-wave (I'll have to explain it some other time).  The game involves standing up and shouting shockwave for you team to win, well it was my turn to stand up and I would feel a contraction everytime I'd stand, so long story short Ronnie took me home to relax, I was still about 2 weeks from my due date.  By 2 am I was having such sharp pains and they were abnormal to what we had learned labor would be like, Ronnie insisted taking me ahead to the hospital.  By the time we were in the car and on the way the pain was almost more than I could bare.  And with this being Ronnie first birthing experience, he was a nervous wreck!!!  He was driving as fast has possible, well needless to say only drunks drive like this on New Year's Eve and of course we got pulled over.  However, the cop was nice and as soon as he saw that I was in labor quickly retreated to his patroller and escourted us to the hospital. 

  Around 5am the pain, I thought was going to kill me and the nurses kept telling me to breathe.  However, there was no breathing that I could do, there was no relief in between these so called contractions.  Finally, Ronnie had about all he could handle, so he slipped out and called the doctor at home and told him he felt something wasn't right with his wife.  So my wonderful OB doctor came flying in and order blood work and I was immediately prepped for a c-section when my labs came back announcing that my platelets were dangerously low and my liver enzymes were all out of whack.  They had to perform an emergency c-section because I was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome (which to this day is controversial).  The doctor told Ronnie later had he not of called when he did, another hour he would have probably had to choose me or the baby.  I was very, very sick for several days afterwards and don't really remember even takng this picture.  My mother helped me breast feed Derek until was coherent enough to sit up and do it myself.  It was a very scary event for our first born and has severly frightened my family from agreeing with us having more children. But as always, God has proven himself amazing and has always taken care of me!

And now I wonder where the past 6 years have went.....

Derek talking with Papaw Randy on their cell phones.

   And I thank God everyday for my amazing little miracle!!!!

At a crossroads

  So, I've been struggling a lot lately with what I think are convictions.  I've been reading a lot lately on modesty and what it really means and what God intended for women.  And while I'll be the first to tell you, I've been a really immodest person most of my life, I've been trying really hard to make good decisions when I dress in the morning.  No brainers, like, no low cut tops, wearing belts now, so I'm not constantly pulling my pants up when I bend over, and such.  However, I'm at a crossroads and don't know which way to turn. 
    ~ I read a letter at http://www.manymcdaniels.com/ that talks about Bathsheba and her immodesty around David and how the bible tells us we should never lead another to sin.  The bible also tells us that looking at another woman lustfully is considered adultery and he should just cut out his own eye for it is better to arrive in heaven without an eye than to allow your whole body to end up in hell.  And if we are to dress like Bathsheba then we will definately be leading men to sin.  However, there are several other posts, blogs, views, and opinions from friends and people I look up to that feel the only modest dress is skirts.  One gentleman even points out that there is no way that pair of slacks/jeans can be worn in decentcy  That all slacks show the form of a woman's torso and lower body and will leave a man wondering, just as a low cut top will do.  He also points out that slacks were worn by women in the beginning as a feminist act and therefore breaking away from the man being the head of a woman. 
  ~  Here's where I am though, I truly, truly struggle with this.  Because......... 
  1.)  My husband and I have always been very open and honest when we have seen someone that we thought looked "nice".  Now I'm putting that in "nice" terms, because we have grown in our christianity we have realized that we are sinning and are trying very hard not to even look.  But I've always had the view that if my husband thought another woman looked "hot" (that's how he would say it), then I wanted him to tell me, because I've never wanted him to struggle with hiding thoughts like that.  I know deep in my heart I'm the one going home with him.
  2.)  I feel, as my husband says, no matter what a woman has on a man is going to "wonder".  If she is attractive to him in anyway, he could let himself look at her lustfully even with a skirt on.  And I know the arguement to this is that jeans do not even let you wonder.  That it just gives the complete shape.  But what I am saying is if a man doesn't have the self-control to not look at the woman in jeans, I'm sorry but he's probably not going to have the self control to see something about the woman in a skirt. 
  3.)  I will agree with the fact that I don't like that women wear slacks due to the feminst turn in time.  If you know anything about me at all, you know that I like God's way best, the man being the head of house.  And I know people have problems with this, but if you really consider who you married before you married them, then there should be no problem with him being in charge.  Every woman wants to be swept off her feet by her handsome prince, right?  Wrong!  Why would the handsome prince want to sweep her off her feet when she just going to vote for the other person in the election or undermind him later on.  If a man is going to fill is God-given duty of being provider and care-giver, we have to let him and stop trying to be his equal.  God did not design it that way!
  I will say I tried it for a day, me and the girls all dressed in skirts went out grocery shopping and run some other errands, and it was alright.  (I shouldn't have worn the shoes I wore, my feet were killing me by the time I got home, but I wear them with jeans sometimes, so that's no excuse.)  My oldest daughter would love to convert to wearing skirts, she'd wear them all the time if I let her.  My husband on the other hand says he's not fond of them.  On one hand, I want to please my husband, but on the other hand if I'm having this "convictions" shouldn't I please God, the Father,  first?
  So here I stand, still at the cross roads not knowing which way to turn.

Holiday Stress

  So, it's that time of year again!!!!  And this is my first Thanksgiving that Ronnie and I will be hosting!!!  I'm really excited!!  This time of year always gets me excited, however the older I get and the more responsible with finances I get, the more depressed I get.  I try so hard to keep my excitement for my children and for myself, to remember the reason why we even have this season!!! 
  We have Christmas the same time as Thanksgiving with my family because my grandparents take off for the winter.  So even though my husband would prefer to separate the two holidays and enjoy Thanksgiving for what it is, we have to combine them. 
  So this year, I have made a new resolution!  We are doing meaningful gifts this year and perhaps even homemade.  I'm tired of everyone getting caught up in the "rush" of it all.  I want to actually enjoy this time together.
  So, I'm looking for good homemade gift ideas.  Also any homemade receipes are welcome too!!

AAAHHHH!!! Part 2

   So, I've actually came a long way, since my last post!  I actually swept the dining room and living room and mopped!  I tell you though, a houseful of hardwood floors is going to be the death of me!!!  I saw the other day one of those shark mopping systems, I think that's what they are called, and told Ronnie that that's what we needed.  And he response was this....  "Why don't you just take a dust cloth and put it on the end of your swiffer?"  Ok, brillant husband idea!!!  I'm thinking, Great!!!  This is why I married him, he just saved us $50.00!!  (We won't talk about how he's the one that I'm usually having to keep from spending money, right now!)  Well, it seemed like a great idea until I tried it.  Needless to say, Swiffer is much smarter than they look!  It doesn't work, I about broke my back pushing that thing with a dust cloth on it!  It doesn't glide gently across the floor with a dust cloth like it does with their disposable cloths!  So now, I'm in the market for either a really cheap shark or I'm going to start looking for the hardwood floor attachment to go on my rainbow sweeper.  
  However back to my motivation....This is how bad the house has been lately!!

    See that piece of corn in the baby's mouth?  Yeah, I didn't realize it was there until I took the camera down to look at it to make sure the picture wasn't blurry!  How bad am I?!?!?!  You see, when step out of our house all you can see it corn fields, well, my oldest daughter thinks this is great and loves to pick up random pieces of corn, which in turns falls in the floor and I have to pick up.  Needless to say, I don't always get them all!!  And the human vacuum cleaner gets what I've left behind.  And then on top of that when I don't stay motivated, it's even worse!!!  You can also tell how dirty the house as been by looking at the toes of her socks, look how much dirtier they are than the rest of the sock!!! 
  So go ahead and share how you've not been motivated in the past or lately, so that I'll feel better ;)

AAAAHHHH!!!

Do you ever feel like you could just scream?!  I felt like that for a couple of days now.  No matter how hard I try to stay up on the laundry or dishes (by the way there is no dishwasher in this new house, and it's killing me!!!!!), I can't keep up!  And now, I've gotten sick!!!  Why, me?  I know,  know, I'm just having a pity party, but gosh darn it, can't a woman have one once in awhile?  Do I really have to be strong all the time?  So I think I took 1 teaspoon to much of my benadryl (because I can't swalllow pills, I have to take liquid, I know I'm pathetic!), yesterday and was very loopy, so I got almost nothing done!!! 
  And DH had worked more than 24 hours straight so when he walked in the door he was dead too!  So, because I was so out of it yesterday, my kids didn't have nap time and we were all in bed by 7:30 last night!!!  Who does that?  Tired, sick, overdoesed on benadryl, "loving" moms do, that's who. 
  Well, I'm feeling a little better today, so I'm setting a goal to be better and try to get something done today.  Which, I'm pretty sure I can achieve, since I did asolutely nothing yesterday!!!

A Well Deserved Renew

  Ronnie and I just got home from taking some of the teens in our youth group at church to Johnson Bible College in Knoxville, Tennessee.  It was absolutely amazing!!!  My wonderful mother and step-father came down to stay the weekend with the kids while Ronnie and I had a nice getaway for awhile.  I actually did very well and did not worry about my children that much at all.  (Ronnie and I have went away and the past and I have just been sick the whole time we were gone.)  The college campus was absolutely gorgeous!!!  I wish I would have taken a college day there myself when I was younger.  Thursday night when we left we stayed in a hotel room and then arrived at the campus on Friday morning.  We attened some welcome classes and then an actual class by a professor.  We had a tour of the campus and then was pretty much on our own.  Friday evening we (Ronnie, the other adults in our group, and I) went with the kids to the walleyball courts.  I had a blast.  I played volleyball in highschool, so it seems to by favorite sport, but this was volleyball and raquetball put together.  It was awesome.  My cousin Tyler, who attends Johnson, caught up with us for this.  Saturday we packed all the kids up in the vans and took off for the mountains.  We hiked up to Clingman's Dome in the Smoky Mountain National Park.  And I was able to take some beautiful pictures.  We had a deovtion here and we talked about God's plan for our lives and just how beautiful the scenery was here!  That afternoon we spent shopping and going out to eat!  Which are both my my favorite pasttimes!  On Sunday we woke up and went to a more contempary church service.  It was really neat.  I can't really explain it all, but Ronnie and I just really enjoyed it!  The preacher talked about coming out of a cave and really opening your eye to what all God has instore for you.  We went to CiCi's pizza for dinner and then went on to go ziplining.  Which was really fun for the kids, however not for myself.  I just about had a nervous breakdown.  I did make it through the first two zips, but just could not make my self continue.  I really hate becoming an adult.  I really would have loved it as a teenager, but now that I'm a mother I just can't handle somethings.  Ronnie and I had the chance to have some really good in depth talks with the other adults on the trip.  And we both came home, not exactly new people, but completely refreshed and renewed christians! 

The kids we took

Ronnie and I

God's beautiful creation!

A Calm Rain

  I just had the most serene experience......... 
 Ronnie and I had recently made the decision to walk completely in faith and to let God decide how many children we will have.  Now by that being said, I hope anyone reading this, especially my family, you will listen fully before trying to debate me.  There have been a few reasons why we've made this decision.  One of them being a sermon we both heard/read.  This is the link to the sermon, Our view on family planning.
  Another seeing how God has taken care of us no matter what.  Alot of people have told us, I will die if I try to have anymore children.  But truth is, God is in control and if I'm going to "die" it's going to be because he called me home, not because I took my own life.  Ronnie and I have been through a lot!!!  And God has safely guided us through each step.  This morning I stumbled across this beautiful woman, named September, and her blog.  September's Story  As I was reading her words of encouragement and grief, it started to rain just lightly on our roof.  Mind you, we've not seen rain here for days, maybe even months.  We've had a burn ban on, it's so dry.  It was as if God was quietly telling me, I will always take care of you no matter what! 
  I'll be the first to tell you, there was several nights I lay in bed pregnant with Leah, but I would repeat Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in You to myself over and over and would finally peacefully fall asleep.  God never said pregnacy would be easy, in fact, he told us it would be just the opposite. 
  It really is amazing how much smoother our lives go when we completely rely and trust in our loving father.  This is not to say that Ronnie and I are by any means perfect christians, none of us are!  However, I've made great strides in my walk, since I've completely handed things over and I can not even begin to tell you how the Lord has changed my husband since we met.  He still struggles, as do I, to be christ-like, but he tries and that is all that matters.  This is also why I fall in love with him all over again when he overcomes something he has been struggling with for awhile.  And even though I, his wife, know him better than anyone, he still neve ceases to amaze me!! 
  I know, just as God has brought Ronnie safely home from Iraq, delivered me and my first born from HELLP syndrome safely, and brought our beautiful daughter, Hannah into this world, even after the doctors said she would not be born alive, he can heal and protect us from anything! 
  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Whew!!!

WOW!!!!  It has been a whirlwind around here since we moved!!!  We've had something each weekend and pretty much every day!  This past weekend we finally took our camper out for the "first time" to Spring Mill Park in Mitchell, IN.  We camped with our friend Darren and Melisa and their kids in primitive camping.  Funny how the weather changes in Indiana!  It got down to 38 one night, which happened to be the night our battery went dead and ended up with no heat!  But all ended well and we had a good time.  The park had trick or treating one night and all he kids dressed up and got lots and lots of candy!  Since we came home, we had a field trip with our homeschool co-op group back at Spring Mill in the Village.  It was so nice to get together and learn about the pioneer ways and then just sit and play together for lunch at the playground.  My relatives really worry about whether or not the kids are socializing enough, when in all honesty, I think I need it more than they do!!  It was so nice to have some adult interaction with mothers that undestand what I go through on a day to day basis. 
  Then this morning we woke up and did our chores and got ready to go to story hour.  We hung out at the library for awhile and then took the trash off to the dump.  After having lunch and nap time for the girls, Derek and I worked on finishing up school work.  We then started getting ready for Derek's soccer game.  Which, by the way he claims they won again.  After soccer we headed to Wendy's for supper and to Wal-Mart for supper for the rest of the week.  I was completely dragging when we walked through the door.  And now I have all three in bed and waiting for my husband to call me and wish me a good night.  There were several times today when it got extremely hectic, but all in all it's always worth every minute!!!! 

Food for Thought

"22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;  26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,  27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:  30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

So, for many of you who know me, I'm a very independent, most of the time outspoken woman.  I'm a very take-charge kind of person.  I like to lead and be center of attention.  I'm not a very good follower at all.  Which in most cases, this is all good.  It was very easy for me to say no to peer pressure in high school, however, I'll be the first to say I did make some mistakes.  Being a leader, definately is good when it comes to homeschooling.  I sing alot in front of crowds, so being able to entertain comes natural to me.  And there are not many "strong leaders" in the church, so I have come in handy a time or two there. 
  However, with all this being said, after reading this passage, there's lots to be said about being a follower!  I've read this passage many times before, but here lately, I think God has really been speaking to me on this.  Recently, I started reading a book called "Homeschooling and still married!" by Todd Wilson.  You can not successfully homeschool, unless you are successful in your marriage.  It reads on to tell of all the things a man really wants from his wife and how she can do her part in marriage.  Such as, telling her husband he has big muscles!  (Sorry, Ronnie, I had to put it in here ;)  Now, all you feminists out there, he has also written a book to husbands saying the same thing about their wives.  Ronnie and I will be reading it next. 
  There's a section in the book that talks about all a husband really wants is to provide for his family and for his wife to believe and trust in him.  See, this is where I struggle.  Ronnie and I have many financial issues because of mistakes we've made.  I know with all my heart Ronnie will and wants to take care of us, however, just trusting that he will without my nagging is my downfall.  He wants to make decisions most of the time and I have not let him in the past. 

  I've been praying a lot lately, for strength to let go and trust.  To trust Ronnie, and, even when he makes mistakes, also to trust the Lord our God that he will provide for us.  I have to constantly remind myself, has he not already? 

8 years!!!

I woke up this morning to check my facebook and found a beautiful post from my wonderful husband!!!  You see, 8 years ago, on September 16, we met.  And I was reminded once again of our amazing love story.  I was a senior in high school and I sang the National Anthem at all the home girl's games.  It was volleyball game, which is my favorite sport, and we were playing a county rival, Springs Valley High School.  When I came in the door I saw a group of guys, some of which I was already friends with, from Valley sitting over in front of the concession stand.  As I walked by to check in at the score's bench one of the guys, Derek, who I had been in 4-H with for years, stopped me.  He told me his friend, Ronnie over here thinks your cute.  I said "hi" and just blew him off.  Derek was not really the type of guy I would ever date, so I really couldn't see myself dating one of his friends.  Not to mention, I had just gotten my heart severely broken by another boy who had just broke up with me a couple of weeks earlier. 
  I proceeded to sing the National Anthem, (looking back, Ronnie has told me he fell in love with me when I walked in the door, and then fell in love all over again when I sang.  Now, what girl wouldn't just give anything to hear that!!!), and then I tracked down my friend CJ to help with my physics homework during the game.  CJ just happened to be sitting with our friends from Valley, so I had to sit a bleacher down from Ronnie the whole game.  CJ and I cheered on my best friend Lindsey and worked on physics. 
  The next couple of days, my friend Tina, who had a locker beside mine constantly nagged me about going out with this Ronnie guy, and so I finally gave in and let some mutual friends of our set us up. 
  Our first official date was riding 4-wheelers after the Paoli Parade and we grabbed a bite to eat at Hardee's.  Ronnie bought me a cheeseburger and a coke and honestly I fell in love.  I know, that's horrible and he's teased me several times for being a "cheap date", but I couldn't help it!  All I had ever wanted was a man to take care of me, and for the first time I felt like I had found that. 

  After a few short months of dating, Ronnie proposed and then was shipped off to Iraq.  He came home on two weeks leave and we got married.  And 8 years and 4 children later, here we are!!! 

Moving/Settling In

Well, once again, God has blessed us beyond our imagination!  Friends of ours had been renting this house and we had attended a party for church and come inside to take a tour.  We absolutely fell in love with it at once!  So we told them when they were ready to move on to call us.  Within a couple of months they told us they found a new house and would be moving out, so I facebooked (because that's what you do in these new age times) the landlord and ask if we could be on the waiting list for.  Within a couple of weeks I was told we could move in.  So I put our trailer up for sale on Monday, sold it on Thursday and we moved into the new house on Saturday.  Only God, could prepare such a move!  However, Satan was hard at work too!!  All day Saturday, I had the worst, I mean the absolute worst allergy attack!!!  I was absolutely worthless.  Thank goodness for our dear friends that helped us.  Between them and my wonderful husband we got everything moved in one day.  However, it wasn't all roses.  Ronnie and I fought to start off the day and I cried, but being the loving husband that he is, he quickly told me he was sorry and told me to just go to the new house and do as much unpacking as I could. 
  So now, I've spent the last two weeks unpacking and putting away, buying new appliances, painting, decorating, and trying to keep up with laundry, meal planning, and homeschooling all at once.  Oh, did I mention we still have storyhour, youth group, gymnastics, and soccer going on?

  See how hard it is to keep up!  Lindsay's bed has not made it into the new house yet.  We're painting it to match the rest of the furniture in the girls' room.  Doesn't seem to bother her, though, does it?

Reminders

A friend of ours lost their little girl this week.  She drown in the neighbors swimming pool.  I went to the viewing tonight, and was once again reminded that children are not really "ours".  We are called God's children for a reason.  We as mothers, are just here to raise and love them until its time for them to go home.  Unfortunately, for our earthly bodies that's really hard to comprehend.  Its so easy to be saddened by the fact that "our" child has been taken away, when in reality we should be rejoicing that they no longer have to suffer and they beat us to eternity.  I can honestly say the comforting feeling I've had as a mother was the moment I was holding my dying child as she took her last breath, as horrible as that sounds, there was this awesome peace and serenity come over me that she was really "ok" now.  Actually she's so much more than ok!
  It so easy, to replay everything in your head over and over again, what could I have done different, if only I had done this, I should have spent more time with her........... But in the end, I really did do my job, I got her to heaven, and that's all that matters. 

Showers of Blessings

Oh, my goodness!!!  I don't know about anyone else, but I praised the Lord all morning for lifting the heat for awhile!  I opened the windows and turned off the air conditioner in what seemed like forever!  It was soooo nice! 
  School has been going wonderfully!  Derek is finally getting into a routine and Lindsay is participating nicely in her lessons as well.  They both are just doing amazingly well at piano!  I wasn't going to start Lindsay just yet, but she has really taken to it quite nicely. 
  My sister and I practiced our song we are to sing on Sunday for church today.  The harmony worked out really well.  I was worried about the song at first, but I think it has come together now.  I really wish we could sing more often together.  And one day I hope to get my children involved in performing. 
  The kids are going to have a (bike) rodeo at church for youth group on Wednesday night, so we went and picked up a new bike for Derek from a friend.  His other one has just fell apart, and his big boy bike, is just to big yet.  We're supposed to decorate them up for a cowboy theme, I'm not quite sure how to make a bike look like a horse, but I'm sure we'll come up with something!  And while my kids are with the younger youth, Ronnie and I are supposed to be helping with the teens.  They are going to be having "sofa wars".  For anyone who is not familar with this term, here are the details.  You split into teams.  Each team has a van to ride around in and a truck to haul their sofa in.  They are given a list of places to get their picture taken in front of sitting on their sofa.  Each desitnation is worth so many points and few places deduct points!  It should be very interesting!!  I'm looking forward to seeing how it all plays out!
  Then Friday night, we how our homeschool group kick-off!  I'm also looking forward to getting back in touch with all the families from our area that have the same values as Ronnie and I.  It's very important for mommy to have adult time as well as the kids to have that socialization!
  Well I should probably hop off here and head to bed.  Good night :)

Tomorrow's a New Day!!

  Well, this afternoon was kind of rocky....and I'll just leave it at that, because I had pretty well of brought it onto myself.  But just as Avalon sings "Tomorrow's finally here.....It's a New Day, oh it's a new time and there's a new way.  I'm gonna live my life..all the old has passed away".  I think that my greatest pleasure in being a christian, is every day is a new day.  And no matter how bad today was, Jesus will still love me and he's going to give me a new slate tomorrow. 
  I'm really starting to enjoy it just being me and the kids during the day.  I was really apprehensive about giving up my babysitting, but I can really see improvements in my kids! 
  I took Lindsay yesterday to get her ears pierced and she did so well!!!  She only screamed right after it was done because the lady got the gun stuck on the back of her earring.  She has whined about me cleaning them, because she's terrified that they are going to come out and "the lady told me not to take them out for 6 minutes!!" (translated 6 weeks)
  I started Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons with Lindsay and she has really taken off!  I had read on a blog one of my friends suggested (http://www.raisingolives.com/) and she uses the same book with her young children and just leaves out the writing part until they are little older.  Lindsay really has liked the idea of learning her sounds and is excited about being able to read. 
  Derek completed his first song in piano lessons the other day!  He called his grandma and played and sang it to her. 
  And Leah finally rolled over from her stomach to her back!!!  She's 6 months old and weighs 12 lbs now! 
  Well, I have much to be thankful for!  I'm going to rest now and try to have a better attitude for my new day in the morning!

TV or Not TV???

  Well, it's almost time for us to start school.  Friday night will be our last night of VBS, which the kids were awesome tonight by the way!!!  (Including my own, they have mommy withdraws alot, but they stayed with their own class all night!!!).  We've had our visit to the doctor this week and the two older kids went to Holiday World with their two aunts and cousin on Monday.  They had an absolute blast!!!  I was so happy they were good too! 
  I've had a rough patch lately.  I've been struggling with how God would really have us parent using televison today.  I feel like their are two kinds of "christian parents", and I've been praying alot which one is the right way......and maybe they are both right and I need to be praying which is the right way for my family.  Let me explain what I mean:
  First parent:  The parent that believes in what I would call "mostly conservative" and allows their child to watch and participate in what they believe to be age appropriate.  This is the parenting style I think I am participating in at the moment.  For example.  I let my kids watch alot of tv, and right now my son is obsessed with Avatar: The Last Airbender.  However, I'm starting to question whether or not to allow him to continue watching such shows.  I've been told by several people I trust and look up to, that as long as I competely explain that these shows are make believe and what is actually true when it comes to God, it's ok to let him view these shows.
  Second parent:  The parent that believes in what I would call "completely conservative" and allows little to no tv.  And I really like what I see from these parents, however, is this completely sheltering? 
  I am in no way bad mouthing what each parent has decided to do and I commend you for standing up for what you believe.  I guess I'd just like to hear how it works for you and what the long term effects will be. 
  I was allowed to watch tv as a child, but my mother did withhold alot of "bad" movies and I never once thought I was missing out on anything until I became older and people would refer to things I had no clue what they were talking about.  However, looking back I'm starting to think she was on the right path with this.  It has irritated my husband in the past when he has to explain things to me, since I had not seen a certain movie, but now with our children getting older, he's starting to understand.
  I know a lot of people would shrug me off to be worrying about something so small, but I just don't want to look back and wish I had done things differently.  I want to raise my children to be conservative, loving, christians, however, I do want them to experience life to the fullest, I believe that's why God gave us such a beatiful creation. 

  Anyway, I'd love to hear what your family believes and does????

A Good Day

  Well,  today was a peaceful day.  I've been struggling with financial issues, for some time now.  We've been trying to follow the Dave Ramsey plan, and it just gets very stressful for me.  And this being Friday, pay day, is always the worst.  I pray every Friday morning, that there just be enough money to get us through the week, and then get very discouraged when there's not exactly what I'm expecting.  But somehow, God makes it stretch each week.  I don't know how, but he does. 
  So I took the kids to their last swim lesson this morning and then we had a picnic in the park with our friends.  We swaped out kids and I got to spend some one on one time with Derek and Lindsay back at the pool for an hour.  They both learned to go down the water slide this week and absolutely loved it by today.  It was definately good for all three of us. 
  Then this evening I took Derek to meet Ronnie for a father/son campout at Wonder Valley Christian Camp.  I'm so proud of him for staying over there and having some bonding time with Daddy.  However, it makes me very sad how fast he's growing.  It seems just like the other day he was my baby boy, rocking him to sleep or sleeping on his Daddy's chest for naptime on Sunday afternoons.
  When the girls and I arrived back in town we stopped by the church to help finish decorating for VBS.  We had  alot of fun with the other ladies!!! 
  I am really looking forward to starting school here in a couple of weeks.  Derek will be in kindergarten and Lindsay will be starting her preschool curriculum. 
  Well I have plans to visit the farmer's market in the morning, so I should probably get some shut eye now. 

Hannah's Story

This is the letter we wrote for Hannah's funeral.

Dear Friends and Family,

First of all, we want to thank you all for the great amount of support you’ve given us this last year. We know that some of you have not heard from us in awhile and some of you were never able to make to the hospital to visit, so we wanted to write this letter to everyone and tell Hannah’s story.


As all of you know we have two other children, Derek and Lindsay, Lindsay of which was born in June of 2007. In July of 2007 we received word that Ronnie would be deploying again and after much consideration we sold our trucking company and Ronnie took a job at the Jasper Armory in preparation for the deployment in February. I took a job at the Elementary school in August of 2007 and we moved back to Orleans in September, so that my family could help me take care of Derek and Lindsay while Ronnie was overseas. I soon realized that my clothes were fitting very tightly and I became very self-conscious of everything I ate. Soon after, I had trouble breastfeeding Lindsay, and once again just blew it off as being part of a working mom.


While spending one afternoon with my mother-in-law, I convinced myself that I was probably pregnant again and took a pregnancy test. Sure enough, I received a plus sign on the small white stick. I cried for about an hour to mother-in-law and then on the phone to my mother. After some time, they both convinced me that everything would work out. Ronnie was in the woods with his father hunting, so I sent him a small text message saying we were going to have another baby. Needless to say, he was not anymore thrilled than I had been. But with some days in deep thought and prayer, we realized God would not hand us something we could not handle. So within a week, I was becoming more excited about the idea of have two babies so close together.


The next hoop to jump was the doctor issue. In December we received a letter stating that our ob doctor, whom we had had with both Derek and Lindsay, was resigning the ob department of his practice. Once again, I cried in despair. We searched and searched for a new doctor, but no one would take us as a patient because of our high risk prenatal history. After 4 months of being sick everyday and so much stress from Ronnie’s upcoming deployment and not have an ob to turn to and the pain of having to leave my children every day, I decided to resign from my position at school. This was one of the toughest decisions ever, because I dearly loved the job.


In January, Ronnie left for Georgia for mobilization training. Uncle Jim and Aunt Sandi, quickly took over where Ronnie left off and came to my rescue daily. Uncle Jim would take off our trash, and Aunt Sandi would keep us company at night and then we would all go out with Grandma Deama and Uncle Barry on the weekends to Mr. Gatti’s.


In February, I finally found an ob doctor in Bloomington. The first appointment I had they had trouble finding the heart beat, but as soon as they did, they assured me that everything was fine. My second appointment, however, things did not go so smoothly. Aunt Susie and my mother-in-law, rode up with me for a routine ultrasound. We were on our way to find out the sex of the baby. As soon as it popped up on the screen I could tell it was a girl, however, the ultrasound tech was not making much conversation. I don’t remember much about what anybody told me that day, other than my baby had a heart condition, a cystic hygroma on the back of her neck and glassifications on her lungs. I was totally devastated. God had already taken one baby from us in between Derek and Lindsay, surely he would not do it again. Over the next several weeks, we went through several procedures and making very difficult decisions. Ronnie was placed back on guard duty and came back home to be with me and the kids. This was very difficult, because he knew he needed to be with me, but he felt like he was abandoning his fellow soldiers.


After being sent to Indianapolis to specialists and having an amniocentesis completed, we learned our little girl had Turner’s Syndrome. Turner’s is a genetic disorder that affects the sex chromosomes, in which prevents these girls from going through puberty normally. They also can have heart, kidney, and other problems. And this little baby I was carrying definitely had the heart issue. The doctors gave us the choice to terminate the pregnancy. They told us that the baby only had a 5 % chance of being born alive. They prepared me for what it would be like to deliver a stillborn baby. Ronnie and I went home to discuss what we should do and decided that since I had started feeling the baby kick, we should let God be in control. We would carry this baby as long as he would allow. For the next few months my ob doctors argued with my genetic specialists about who should be seeing me. I went several weeks at a time without seeing anyone. All the time, the baby growing wilder and wilder.


We had discussed early on in the pregnancy to name the baby Ashley Elizabeth if it was a girl, after my best friend Ashley Sisco. However, when the doctors told us she would not live we decided that if God did indeed give us this baby we would name her Hannah after Hannah in the bible and the promise she made to give her child back to him. Little did we know that we would have to give her back so soon.


In May, I began showing signs of low amniotic fluid. After a few stress tests, the doctors admitted me to the high risk ward of the St. Vincent Hospital in Indianapolis. They watched me for one night and the next morning decided to take Hannah.


Hannah was born on May 23, 2008 at 11:52 in the morning. She weighed 3 lbs 11 oz and was 15 inches long. She cried right away, which was the biggest relief I think I’ve ever felt in my life.

 The doctors performed an ultrasound on her heart right away and discovered she had a co-arctation of her aorta in her heart. The following Tuesday, they transported her to the Peyton Manning Children’s Hospital and where they repaired her heart problem. After about a week of recovery, Hannah headed back to the Women’s Hospital. Within days, she started to look much better. I even got to breastfeed her twice! She was wonderful! Words cannot explain how Hannah made me feel. I felt like our family was finally complete.

  Even though our family was separated, we were still a family. When Hannah was 6 weeks old, the doctor and I disagreed on a feeding tube placement. Which in the end, almost took Hannah’s life. The feeding tube perforated her intestines and she became very, very sick. A pediatric surgeon was called in and he informed Ronnie and I that he would have to perform surgery right in her hospital room in order to save her life. Once again, she took about a week to recover. And once she did, she was plain old Hannah again and we made plans to bring her home. Soon we realized that she did have severe acid reflux and once more Hannah went in for another surgery, this time for a G-tube placement. From then on she would eat from a button they had placed on the outside of her stomach. Now everything finally seemed as if they were going to be alright. Hannah, however, was becoming a little spitfire. The littlest thing could make her mad. And she’d let you know when it did. One day, I walked in and Shannon, her primary nurse, told me to come look at her hair. Red hair, it explained everything. I kept joking that if we made it through all of this, she was definitely going to be a handful when she was a teenager.

One day about two weeks ago, she became extremely sick. She had to be placed back on the ventilator and a few days later up onto the oscillator. The x-rays of her lungs continued to look hazier and hazier. We sat down with the doctors two days before she passed away and discussed what we wanted them to do if she coded. We agreed on one round of code chemicals and if her heart did not react, then that was her way of saying she was tired of fighting.


On September 9, at 4:00 in the morning, the nurses called us to come over from the hotel. She informed us that her sats were dropping again and this time so was her heart rate. When we arrived her oxygen was 50 and her heart rate was 60. I began to sing to her as much as I could and for a little while she responded, but she slowly started dropping again. The doctor gave her the round of code chemicals and she did not respond. They ask us if we wanted to hold her and we said yes. They took her off of the oscillator and handed her to me. They bagged her until she stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. A strange sense a peace overflowed my body, knowing that she didn’t hurt anymore and that she had died right there in my arms, while her daddy was stroking her hair.

We had many people ask us what we are going to do about the perforation and at first we were really upset and was ready to sue. However, Hannah died because of a totally different situation that could not have been prevented. In Turner girls, their blood vessels in their lungs are underdeveloped and Hannah’s were very underdeveloped and it just caught up with her body. Also, had God wanted Hannah to live longer, he would have let her. As much as it hurts us to live without her, we know she’s not in pain anymore. I have a hard time sleeping at night thinking that she’s never going to come home, but she really did come home, she just beat us to our eternal home. Ronnie and I feel like there is a major part of our family missing now, but he told me something the other night that has totally changed my perspective. He said with knowing where Hannah is now, it just makes him want to live his life even better now, to make sure he ends up by her side. I truly believe he’s right. I think that was her purpose here on earth, to come and show us a love we did not know and to open our eyes and our hearts and to bring our lives a little closer to God.

Hello!

Hello!  My name is Amanda Roach.  My husband, Ronnie, and I have had 4 beautiful children together.  We have been very blessed in the past 7 years that we have been married.  Our oldest, Derek, is 5 and is very strong-willed and compassionate.  Our second in line, Lindsay, is very dramatic and loving.  Our third child, Hannah, is now residing in Jesus' arms.  She was born in May 23, 2008 and was taken home on Sept. 9, 2008.  I'll tell her story in an upcoming blog.  Our newest addition is Leah, who is 6 months old, and is the light of my life.  We are a homeschooling, christian, bible-based family.