Friday, December 31, 2010

My baby turns 6!!!!

      On January 1, 2005 at 7:15 am my first child, a baby boy, was born.  Derek William Roach.  5lbs 19 inches.  But I'll back up a little to explain the picture.  Now every new mother, I'm sure hates their afterbirth snapshot, but really, you have to admit my looks extra horrible.  But I'm willing to show it because of the story.  On New Year's Eve night Ronnie and I went to the local Christian Church to chaperone a lock-in where we were playing a game shock-wave (I'll have to explain it some other time).  The game involves standing up and shouting shockwave for you team to win, well it was my turn to stand up and I would feel a contraction everytime I'd stand, so long story short Ronnie took me home to relax, I was still about 2 weeks from my due date.  By 2 am I was having such sharp pains and they were abnormal to what we had learned labor would be like, Ronnie insisted taking me ahead to the hospital.  By the time we were in the car and on the way the pain was almost more than I could bare.  And with this being Ronnie first birthing experience, he was a nervous wreck!!!  He was driving as fast has possible, well needless to say only drunks drive like this on New Year's Eve and of course we got pulled over.  However, the cop was nice and as soon as he saw that I was in labor quickly retreated to his patroller and escourted us to the hospital. 
  Around 5am the pain, I thought was going to kill me and the nurses kept telling me to breathe.  However, there was no breathing that I could do, there was no relief in between these so called contractions.  Finally, Ronnie had about all he could handle, so he slipped out and called the doctor at home and told him he felt something wasn't right with his wife.  So my wonderful OB doctor came flying in and order blood work and I was immediately prepped for a c-section when my labs came back announcing that my platelets were dangerously low and my liver enzymes were all out of whack.  They had to perform an emergency c-section because I was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome (which to this day is controversial).  The doctor told Ronnie later had he not of called when he did, another hour he would have probably had to choose me or the baby.  I was very, very sick for several days afterwards and don't really remember even takng this picture.  My mother helped me breast feed Derek until was coherent enough to sit up and do it myself.  It was a very scary event for our first born and has severly frightened my family from agreeing with us having more children. But as always, God has proven himself amazing and has always taken care of me!

And now I wonder where the past 6 years have went.....

Derek talking with Papaw Randy on their cell phones.

   And I thank God everyday for my amazing little miracle!!!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

At a crossroads

  So, I've been struggling a lot lately with what I think are convictions.  I've been reading a lot lately on modesty and what it really means and what God intended for women.  And while I'll be the first to tell you, I've been a really immodest person most of my life, I've been trying really hard to make good decisions when I dress in the morning.  No brainers, like, no low cut tops, wearing belts now, so I'm not constantly pulling my pants up when I bend over, and such.  However, I'm at a crossroads and don't know which way to turn. 
    ~ I read a letter at that talks about Bathsheba and her immodesty around David and how the bible tells us we should never lead another to sin.  The bible also tells us that looking at another woman lustfully is considered adultery and he should just cut out his own eye for it is better to arrive in heaven without an eye than to allow your whole body to end up in hell.  And if we are to dress like Bathsheba then we will definately be leading men to sin.  However, there are several other posts, blogs, views, and opinions from friends and people I look up to that feel the only modest dress is skirts.  One gentleman even points out that there is no way that pair of slacks/jeans can be worn in decentcy  That all slacks show the form of a woman's torso and lower body and will leave a man wondering, just as a low cut top will do.  He also points out that slacks were worn by women in the beginning as a feminist act and therefore breaking away from the man being the head of a woman. 
  ~  Here's where I am though, I truly, truly struggle with this.  Because......... 
  1.)  My husband and I have always been very open and honest when we have seen someone that we thought looked "nice".  Now I'm putting that in "nice" terms, because we have grown in our christianity we have realized that we are sinning and are trying very hard not to even look.  But I've always had the view that if my husband thought another woman looked "hot" (that's how he would say it), then I wanted him to tell me, because I've never wanted him to struggle with hiding thoughts like that.  I know deep in my heart I'm the one going home with him.
  2.)  I feel, as my husband says, no matter what a woman has on a man is going to "wonder".  If she is attractive to him in anyway, he could let himself look at her lustfully even with a skirt on.  And I know the arguement to this is that jeans do not even let you wonder.  That it just gives the complete shape.  But what I am saying is if a man doesn't have the self-control to not look at the woman in jeans, I'm sorry but he's probably not going to have the self control to see something about the woman in a skirt. 
  3.)  I will agree with the fact that I don't like that women wear slacks due to the feminst turn in time.  If you know anything about me at all, you know that I like God's way best, the man being the head of house.  And I know people have problems with this, but if you really consider who you married before you married them, then there should be no problem with him being in charge.  Every woman wants to be swept off her feet by her handsome prince, right?  Wrong!  Why would the handsome prince want to sweep her off her feet when she just going to vote for the other person in the election or undermind him later on.  If a man is going to fill is God-given duty of being provider and care-giver, we have to let him and stop trying to be his equal.  God did not design it that way!
  I will say I tried it for a day, me and the girls all dressed in skirts went out grocery shopping and run some other errands, and it was alright.  (I shouldn't have worn the shoes I wore, my feet were killing me by the time I got home, but I wear them with jeans sometimes, so that's no excuse.)  My oldest daughter would love to convert to wearing skirts, she'd wear them all the time if I let her.  My husband on the other hand says he's not fond of them.  On one hand, I want to please my husband, but on the other hand if I'm having this "convictions" shouldn't I please God, the Father,  first?
  So here I stand, still at the cross roads not knowing which way to turn.