Monday, January 31, 2011

Wanting More.....

      When I was a child, I would lay on my bed on warm Sunday afternoons and take in this amazing smell!!!  And from time to time since I have had a wiff come by my nose that would make me stop dead in my tracks.  I've tried explaining it to my husband and he, of course, thinks I'm crazy, which I'm sure has something to do with the fact that he can't smell. 
       In my old bedroom, at "home" at about 1:00 in the afternoon, the sun would shine perfectly through my window and the rays would glide across my bed.  The kind of rays that when you stare at long enough you can just watch all the dust bunnies, that keepers of the home dread, floating very gently across the room.  And I would lay on my bed whenever I would catch a glimpse of these rays coming through my window and just soak them up.  They were so warm...... just thinking about them, warms my soul.  Some days when I would lay there, I'd daydream I was running, in the softest cotton sun dress, through fields of daisies.  I'd fall back in the daisies as if they were soft feathers and lay there in the sun as long as it would last.  However, my favorite part was the smell.  I'm sure looking back on it and knowing the science of it all, it was just the scent from the dryer sheets my mom used with the laundry and when the sun warmed my comforter it would just smell extra good.   Whichever, for the longest time, I convinced my self that it was the sun rays that smelled.  And occasionally, in life I'll come across the smell and stop mid stride and take it in as long as it will let me.  And long after it's gone, I find myself longing for just one more minute of that fragment of my childhood. 
       Since Hannah passed away, I find my self doing the same thing with the sun rays only looking into the sky.  It's like my own little proof that she really is ok and God's way of keeping my faith alive.  There is a certain place in the sky behind our new house that when the clouds are just right and the sun shines through looks very similar to this picture.  And words can not even explain how it makes me feel.  It just overwhelms me and reminds me how powerful God is and how holy heaven must really be.  I don't understand how anyone can look at this and not see God's glory or not stand in awe just imagining what heaven is really like.  
   But until next time, my heart will yearn to see the next sun ray, reminding me once again of my field daisies and that now my daughter, who is close to turning 2 is totting through her own field of daisies in a beautiful pink sun dress. 


  1. What a sweet, poignant post! I have tears in my eyes...I lost three babies due to miscarriages and have always pictured them being rocked by my grandparents. I know that's not the way it really is in heaven, but it is a sweet picture to me!

  2. My uncle Jim passed away shortly have Hannah passed away from Cancer. He had lost his job earlier to lay off just before he was diagnosed. So while I was working, he would baby sit Lindsay, my oldest daughter, and they became very close. So when he passed away, I did the same thing, it was just a comfort thing for me, thinking she was being held and played with up there with him :)