Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Life is NOT what it seems.....

  As I sit here this morning, looking out my window trying to see past all the thick fog, I realize how quickly the summer is coming to an end.  Ever since Hannah passed, I feel like our summers just fly by!  Her entire life took place in one tiny little summer, the summer of 2008.  It will be burned into my memory, of course, forever.  Trying to fit everything a mama, of 3, needs to do into one summer is exhausting, actually it feels next to impossible!  Especially when you are trying to be a mama to 3 children, all under 3, that are separated over 100 miles away.  I always look back and try to think of how I should have done things differently.  I definitely didn't have the mind-set that I do now and thought that it was so important for my older 2 to carry on normal lives.  When in reality, I realize now the best thing for them was to have been with their mama as much as possible.  However, I felt like, then, that wasn't possible because they were not allowed in the NICU or in Hannah's room.  I kept telling myself that Hannah would get better soon and we'd all be home as a family.  I tried to stay so busy with activities at church when I was home to keep my mind off of things with Hannah that I missed a lot of opportunities to just sit and hold her and and spent so much time traveling back and forth, I missed alot of firsts with Lindsay. (Lindsay and Hannah were 11 months apart).  She learned to crawl and walk with out me and learned to say some very cute words without me.  My heart constantly breaks at the idea of not remembering much about Lindsay's 1st year at all, by being so consumed with my prenatal appointments and worrying so much about what was to come and then the 3 1/2 months she was in the hospital.

  I fast forward 6 years and continute to realize how short our summers are and in reality how short all of our lives are, they really are but just a vapor.  I have watched my children grow and mature more this year than I ever have before.  We have worked so hard and participated in so much this year, I am just amazed at the young people my children are becoming. 
  We did let the garden fail a little this year due to being so busy (however after hearing so many other people say that their tomatoes didn't make either, I don't feel so bad), however, we did manage to put up over 30 quarts of corn and 6 quarts of tomato juice so far (more is yet to come). 

  We've participated in the Bible Bee, the Farmer's Market, 4-H, attended the State Fair, and did respit for 3 foster babies, all under 14 months, at the same time.   


  I have watched the children learn and grow in The Word. They have worked hard on creating their own projects and baking to sell their goods and have become quite the little entrepreneurs.  I have watched them transform through the horseback riding lessons and show their animals in the ring and their confidence just rise in themselves.  I've watched them mature so much while working hard in the garden, picking, shucking, cooking, squeezing, canning, and freezing our produce to get through the winter.  And understanding the importance of helping to provide for the family.  And last but not least, dying to themselves to help care for, and eventually loving, 3 babies that are not our own.  They helped bathe, feed, hold, and love on these 3 as if I had given birth to them, just as I had their own selves.  It truly was amazing. 

  I continually pray that we can raise our "babies" to work as unto the Lord, not toward men!  I pray for their salvation daily.  Because at the end of the day, nothing else matters if they don't live as Christ, everything else will not get them anywhere! 

James 4:14  (NKJV)
14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.

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